


Twitter-God, Save Us All

by skim_milk



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Iron Family, Irondad, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Some Plot, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Twitter, it takes a while, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2020-11-01 11:30:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20814416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skim_milk/pseuds/skim_milk
Summary: Semi-hiatus? I will really only update once every few months... if we're lucky...Yeeter @parkourMight f*** around and do smthing crazy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯The one & only @tobystankReplying to @parkourPlease dont





	1. something crazy

**Author's Note:**

> oof so i actually decided to write something,,, its not good but its something....

Yeeter @parkour

Do yall ever like,,,, break down???? Like,,, brain no worky no more??? 

MJ @fightme

Replying to @parkour

Literally never experienced this ever

Ned Flanders @leedmeon

Replying to @fightme

MJ,,,, you broke down over a broken pencil last week.

MJ @fightme

Replying to @leedmeon

Nope. wasnt me.

\-------------------

Yeeter @parkour

Might f*** around and do smthing crazy ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The one & only @tobystank

Replying to @parkour

Please dont

\-------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

Hi and welcome to chili’s. I’ll be your host, spider-man. 

spiderman updates @webbedup

Replying to @web_head02

I mean,,, im a pretty big spiderman fan,,, but like,,, isnt 3 in the morning a bizarre time to make an account mr man sir???

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @webbedup

Its never a bizarre time for justice.

spiderman updates @webbedup

Replying to @web_head02

Yes,,, but surely you need sleep?

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @webbedup

Justice never sleeps.

Courtney @bbygrl

Replying to @webbedup

Its probs just another fake account lmao. Dude, you’ve fallen for fake accounts too many times

spiderman updates @webbedup

Replying to @bbygrl

Youre right. I doubt the actual spiderman would make a twt…

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @webbedup

*spider-man

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @webbedup

Also,,,, ;) 

\---------------------

Yeeter @parkour

Yo,,,, i did smthing crazy??? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The one & only @tobystank

Replying to @parkour

You better not have…

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @tobystank

Oh but i did…

\----------------------

The one & only @tobystank

I cant believe this kid,,,,,

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @tobystank

I can.

\---------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

Woke up to 69 followers. Nice. 

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @web_head02

Next goal: 420.

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

You are a PR nightmare. 

\-------------------

spiderman updates @webbedup

THE Tony Stark just replied to @/web_head02??? Does this mean its really spiderman behind the account????

Emmaleigh @eeeemma

Replying to @webbedup

Omg,,,, imagine 😍😍😍

Cain @biggay

Replying to @eeeemma

Oof selfies with those big muscles….

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @biggay

Pretty sure spider-man is a twig…

Cain @biggay

Replying to @parkour

You’d have to be straight to not see it,,,,

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @biggay

Im bi but go off i guess

Ironman updates @tincanman

Replying to @webbedup

Tony’s following them too… its possible...

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @webbedup

*spider-man

\------------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

Im upset??? Ive got 483 followers??? Missed 420??? Big sad

Princess @shuriii

Replying to @web_head02

Youre a mess… 

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @shuriii

You love me

\--------------------------

spider-man updates @webbedup

@web_head02 finally managed to get me to fix my mistakes.

spider-man updates @webbedup

Princess Shuri of Wakanda replied to a post by @/web_head02 ??? maybe it is spider-man??? But also,,, how does Princess Shuri know them???

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @webbedup

@ me you coward

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

You age me five years each time you speak…

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @IronMan

rood

\-----------------------

Yeeter @parkour

Hey,,,, is anyone able to lend me their notes for english??? Mine got oil all over them….

Fastboi @flash

Relying to @parkour

Your ‘internship’ again?

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @flash

Yeah

xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit

Relying to @parkour

asfjskskldj youre a mess

MJ @fightme

Replying to @parkour

No. freeloaders are not accepted in this timeline.

Ned Flanders @leedmeon

Replying to @fightme

MJ!!! Thats mean! ive already emailed you all the notes i took Pete :)

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @leedmeon

Thanks dude. Youre a real one…

The one & only @tobystank

Replying to @parkour

Sorry Petey,,, Dum-E means well….

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @tobystank

Oh no. i could never be mad at Dum-E, hes a sweet baby angel 💖💘💕💖💗💝💕❤️💝💖❤️

\----------------------

I am @IronMan

The kid? Not mine

My heart? Belongs to him

My child? Is he

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @IronMan

Hotel? Trivago

I am @IronMan

Replying to @parkour

Im trying to be sentimental you lil shit. Accept my love!

Ironman updates @tincanman

Replying to @IronMan

Is Tony Stark a father??? Or at least a father figure to a child????

\----------------------

Pepper Potts @PottsCEO

The @starkindustries PR team are in shambles. I've had to cancel meetings for the next month… 

You three have some explaining to do…

Tagged: @IronMan @web_head02 @parkour

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @PottsCEO

Uh oh,,, mother is angery,,,,


	2. benevolent god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spidey-man @web_head02  
Ive heard your questions, and like the benevolent god i am, i shall answer them.
> 
> Princess @shuriii  
Replying to @web_head02  
Literally no one said anything
> 
> Spidey-man @web_head02  
Replying to@shuriii  
I am a God answering my peoples’ prayers. Respect me mortal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow,,, so like,,, this is crap??? and i didnt expect it to become my best fic overnight??? but it did??? so heres chapter 2,,,,
> 
> p.s. twt handles and chat names are at the bottom in case you don't know who people are :)

Ironman updates @tincanman

…. The past like,,, 12 hours have been so full on,,, what is even happening rn???

Ironman updates @tincanman

Replying to @tincanman

Okay. so Tony Stark is a father (figure?) to a kid (@/parkour) and Pepper Potts is an angry mother? 

Ironman updates @tincanman

Replying to @tincanman

Also,,, i checked who Tony is following and he legitimately just follows a couple random kids…

Ironman updates @tincanman

Replying to @tincanman

1: is this ‘yeeter’ person

2 & 3: i can only assume are ‘yeeter’s’ friends from multiple tweets

Ironman updates @tincanman

Replying to @tincanman

But 4: … i cant find any relation??? And im pretty sure this 4th kid lives in Tennessee from some of the landmarks in pics hes tweeted??? 

Ironman updates @tincanman

Replying to @tincanman

Like,,,, i dont get it???

Wes @beachboitch

Replying to @tincanman

Hey,,, remember that one time tony went awol and everyone thought he was dead??? Didnt he mention something about tennessee then????

\-------------------------

spider-man updates @webbedup

So its official,,, @web_head02 is THE spider-man… atm he has 42000 followers (yes i took a screenshot for him), hes followed by @IronMan @PottsCEO and @starkindustries as well as members of the Wakandan royal family and @AvengersAssemble??? And hes verified too??? There's no doubt about it,,, this guy is the real deal…

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @webbedup

Can’t believe you ever doubted me.

\-------------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

Ive heard your questions, and like the benevolent god i am, i shall answer them.

Princess @shuriii

Replying to @web_head02

Literally no one said anything

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to@shuriii

I am a God answering my peoples’ prayers. Respect me mortal.

\------------------------

Yeeter @parkour

wow. spider-man calling Miss Princess Shuri of Wakanda a mortal is a whole mood.

xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit

Replying to @parkour

This is why mum doesnt fucking love you :(

\-----------------------

Chat -> Wham Bam Fam

Bbyspider: hey,,,, so like

Bbyspider: can people make twt accs to join me???

capnASSmerica: oh yeah sure!

Boo-n-arrow: k

mamaspider: anything for you petey

phd#8: im on my 8th phd and none of them prepared me for whatever it was that peter just typed…

Boo-n-arrow: twt = twitter

Boo-n-arrow: acc/s = account/s

Boo-n-arrow: basic gen z language

Feathers: well not all of us can be expected to know that clint.

Feathers: not all of us have kids who are gen z okay?

Boo-n-arrow: fair

mancan: please dont do this pete… 

Bbyspider: watch me

Read by ducky 11:39PM

\------------------------

Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow

Im only here because the kid asked me to be. 

I am @IronMan

Replying to @blxxkwidow

You try and pretend to be all tough but that kid gets in your way.

Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow

Replying to @IronMan

I know. Hes ruining my image. 

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @blxxkwidow

!!!!!! and we have matching names!!!!!! I love you aunty nat miss black widow m’am

Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow

Replying to @web_head02

Thanks! Im soft!

\-----------------------

spider-man updates @webbedup

Did this kid really just turn THE Natasha Romanoff (a.k.a Black Widow a.k.a the woman who made me realise how gay i am) into mush?!?! Bc honestly? Thats a mood

\-----------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

I am a trendsetter. I join twitter, all the avengers follow.

Cap’n Crunch @America

Replying to @web_head02

You asked us to be here??? Legitimately the only reason we joined???

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @America

Yeah,,, but you all still followed my trend.

\----------------------

Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes

Im too old for this

Sam Wilson @falcon

Replying to @buckybarnes

We know old man

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @falcon

Mr falcon sam sir please do not bully my good friend and uncle bucky. Thank you :)

\----------------------

Dr Bruce Banner @banner

I’m tired and I miss my s/o.

Spider-man is a baby @tinyspiders

Replying to @banner

God, what a mood. 

\------------------------

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Whattup my name is clin

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @hawkeye

*lint

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @hawkeye

**vlint

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @hawkeye

***cpint

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @hawkeye

****clit

Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow

Replying to @hawkeye

clit

xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit

Replying to @hawkeye

clit 

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @hawkeye

clit 

Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes

Replying to @hawkeye

clit

spider-man updates @webbedup

Replying to @hawkeye

clit 

Cap’n Crunch @America

Replying to @hawkeye

clit

MJ @fightme

Replying to @hawkeye

clit 

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @hawkeye

clit 

Sam Wilson @falcon

Replying to @hawkeye

clit 

The one & only @tobystank

Replying to @hawkeye

clit 

Princess @shuriii

Replying to @hawkeye

clit 

I am @IronMan

Replying to @hawkeye

clit 

\---------------------

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

I just came here for a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now,,,,

The better Barton @hawkeye2.0

Replying to @hawkeye

Dad, just stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just fyi  
twt handles are-  
peter - Yeeter @parkour  
sm - Spidey-man @web_head02  
tony (priv) - The one & only @tobystank  
tony/im - I am @IronMan  
sm updates - spider-man updates @webbedup  
im updates - Ironman updates @tincanman  
mj - MJ @fightme  
ned - Ned Flanders @leedmeon  
shuri (priv) - xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit  
shuri - Princess @shuriii  
Pepper - Pepper Potts @PottsCEO  
si - STARK Industries @starkindustries  
nat - Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow  
steve - Cap’n Crunch @America  
bucky - Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes  
sam - Sam Wilson @falcon  
bruce - Dr Bruce Banner @banner  
clint - deaf and stupid @hawkeye  
lila - The better Barton @hawkeye2.0
> 
> and the avengers group chat (wham bam fam) names are-  
peter - Bbyspider  
steve - capnASSmerica  
clint - Boo-n-arrow  
natasha - mamaspider  
bruce - phd#8  
thor -  
bucky - ducky  
sam - Feathers  
tony - mancan
> 
> i couldnt think of a better name for bucky lmao,,, 
> 
> also, sorry that theres no thor yet, but im hoping to introduce him soon!
> 
> thank you guys so much for reading and please, if you like it, let me know! ^_^


	3. knife holes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spidey-man @web_head02  
I just upgraded my suit! And fixed a couple of knife holes…
> 
> I am @IronMan  
Replying to @web_head02  
I’m sorry, what holes?
> 
> Spidey-man @web_head02  
Replying to @IronMan  
knife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh people are still reading this??? thats a mood,,
> 
> bit different chapter today,,, its all kinda like,,,, /drama/ 
> 
> and its like,,,, bad

Spidey-man @web_head02

I just upgraded my suit! And fixed a couple of knife holes…

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

I’m sorry, what holes?

Spidey-man @web_head02 

Replying to @IronMan

knife

\-----------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

Mr Stark just yelled at me for not telling him about having knife holes in my suit, but like,,, what are ya gonna do about it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

spider-man updates @webbedup

Replying to @web_head02

Wait,,, did you get stabbed????

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @webbedup

Yeah but it was only lightly.

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

YOU COULD HAVE DIED!!!! YOU NEED TO TELL ME WHEN YOUVE BEEN HURT!!!

Spidey-man @web_head02 

Replying to @IronMan

Oh so you do love me!

\-------------------------

I am @IronMan

I can't believe this kid and his friend hacked a multi million dollar suit and took out the sensors that tell me when he gets hurt :(

Spidey-man @web_head02 

Replying to @IronMan

We were taking out other things. The sensors got taken away by accident

\-------------------------

I am @IronMan

I cant remember my own age anymore and at this point its probably a good thing because this kid ages me

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @IronMan

That didnt make any sense! Have a good day!

I am @IronMan

Replying to @parkour

Thats the old age speaking.

\-------------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

The suit upgrades didnt work (i just keep getting knife holes in it!) so i need music recs for while i build the new suit.

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

YOU GOT MORE KNIFE HOLES?!?!? NO YOU CANT BUILD A NEW SUIT GET TO THE INFIRMARY RIGHT NOW!

Spidey-man @web_head02 

Replying to @IronMan

I was just there.

Spidey-man @web_head02 

Replying to @IronMan

And im fine. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. Thats where the blood is supposed to be.

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

GET BACK TO THE INFIRMARY RIGHT NOW OR I REVOKE YOUR LAB PRIVILEGES FOR THE NEXT MONTH YOU SOGGY OREO

\----------------------

Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes

Tony just started crying bc of [redacted] and honestly,,,, me too

\-----------------------

Cap’n Crunch @America

[redacted] may be an idiot,,, but hes our idiot

\-------------------------

Princess @shuriii

[redacted] oozes [ “i hope i dont fall” ](https://youtu.be/x2S3U50mAv8) vibes

\-------------------------

Dr Bruce Banner @banner

Me, giving tests result to [redacted]: “well, one more day of rest and you should be good to go.”

[redacted]: “this is what I get for telling people my problems.”

Dr Bruce Banner @banner

Replying to @banner

Bitch,,, they arent your problems,,, you were stabbed??? Multiple times????

\------------------------

spider-man updates @webbedup

Pretty sure that all the avengers are vauging spidey,,, i hope hes okay,,, his twt as been so quiet,,,, 

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @webbedup

[insert screenshot of something written in Notes on someone’s phone]

Hi friend! (I’ve really got to get your name) I'm doing well! Being locked up in a hospital room for the last couple of days has been annoying - especially on the weekend - but ive also had enough time to get up to date with my homework (rather than do it the night before its due), I've also binged some b99 and to listen to a heap of music recs that everyone gave me. Dr Banner says that i need another day of rest, but im hoping that my advanced healing can make it so that I can at least be able to spend the night in my own bed rather than this crudy hospital one again. Yes, the avengers have been vauging me, but not because they dont want me knowing they’re doing it - I asked them to refer to me as “[redacted]” over the past few days throughout the whole ‘knife hole’ ordeal so they did not accidentally refer to me by my real name (it would cause Ms Potts a lot of drama if my identity was revealed at this current point in time). Thank you everyone for the concern and get well wishes, I hope Queens hasn’t missed me too much over the past few days, but I should be able to be back up and swinging late next week (it would be longer if Mr Stark had his way). Looking forward to seeing everyone when i finally get back to Queens.

\- S.M

spider-man updates @webbedup

Replying to @web_head02

Okay. please take time to get yourself feeling better, Queens will always wait for you. Hope you can get out of there (and into a lab to build your new suit) soon ^_^

spider-man updates @webbedup

Replying to @web_head02

And my name is Erin!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof guess who cant write feelings
> 
> its me
> 
> once again, twt handles are:  
peter - Yeeter @parkour  
sm - Spidey-man @web_head02  
tony (priv) - The one & only @tobystank  
tony/im - I am @IronMan  
sm updates - spider-man updates @webbedup  
im updates - Ironman updates @tincanman  
mj - MJ @fightme  
ned - Ned Flanders @leedmeon  
shuri (priv) - xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit  
shuri - Princess @shuriii  
Pepper - Pepper Potts @PottsCEO  
si - STARK Industries @starkindustries  
nat - Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow  
steve - Cap’n Crunch @America  
bucky - Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes  
sam - Sam Wilson @falcon  
bruce - Dr Bruce Banner @banner  
clint - deaf and stupid @hawkeye  
lila - The better Barton @hawkeye2.0


	4. it was only a kiss (it was only a kiss)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spidey-man @web_head02  
Replying to @web_head02  
Ugh chills. Literal chills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guyyysssss,,,, the other night after i posted i kept checking if the kudos went up (bc it was on 65,, so i was waiting for 69,,,) and then i gave up and read for nearly an hour and when i checked again i had 71,,,   
also,,, thank you so much for reading (over 1000 views what???) and nearly 100 kudos.   
i appreciate it guys xxx

Spidey-man @web_head02

Coming out of my cage

And I've been doing just fine

I am @IronMan

Replying to  @web_head02

When were you in a cage????

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to  @web_head02

Gotta gotta be down

Because I want it all

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @parkour

It started out with a kiss

How did it end up like this?

Ned Flanders @leedmeon

Replying to @web_head02

It was only a kiss (it was only a kiss)

xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit

Replying to @leedmeon

Now I'm falling asleep

The one & only @tobystank

Replying to @wakandabullshit

And she's calling a cab

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @tobystank

While he's having a smoke

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @parkour

And she's taking a drag

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @hawkeye

Now they're going to bed

spider-man updates @webbedup

Replying to @web_head02

And my stomach is sick

Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes

Replying to @webbedup

And it's all in my head

Ned Flanders @leedmeon

Replying to @buckybarnes

But she's touching his chest now

Ironman updates @tincanman

Replying to @leedmeon

He takes off her dress now

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @tincanman

Let me go

xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit

Replying to @parkour

And I just can't look, it's killing me

I am @IronMan

Replying to @wakandabullshit

And taking control

spider-man updates @webbedup

Replying to @IronMan

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea

Cap’n Crunch @America

Replying to @webbedup

Swimming through sick lullabies

MJ @fightme

Replying to @America

Choking on your alibis

I am @IronMan

Replying to @fightme

But it's just the price I pay

Yeeter @parkour 

Replying to @IronMan

Destiny is calling me

Pepper Potts @PottsCEO

Replying to @parkour 

Open up my eager eyes

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @PottsCEO

'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @web_head02

Ugh chills. Literal chills.

\--------------------------

spider-man updates @webbedup

Spider-man did that

Spidey fan #1 @flash_n_dash

Replying to @webbedup

He did 😍😍😍😍😍😍

MJ @fightme

Replying to @flash_n_dash

Actually get lost

\-----------------------

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

cant believe the #ironfam finished so strong like that

I am @IronMan

Replying to @hawkeye

Im sorry??? the what???

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @IronMan

The #ironfam

\------------------------

Ironman updates @tincanman

Wait??? So,,,, the #ironfam is a thing??? Or at least THE Hawkeye says so,,, 

spider-man updates @webbedup

Replying to @tincanman

Not just that, but spider-man is also in the family???

Ironman updates @tincanman 

Replying to @webbedup

Oh shit, u rite u rite

Spidey fan #1 @flash_n_dash

Replying to @tincanman

Wait,,, whos in this “family”??? 

\-------------------------

Trending 

  1. #ironfam
  2. #mrbrightside
  3. #ironfamily
  4. #knifeholes
  5. #trumpsucks

\--------------------------

iron man is a loser @meanerkeener

Oh???

iron man is a loser @meanerkeener

Replying to @meanerkeener

Wow, you log off for a week to go to a school camp and look at what you come back to

Milly @hillbilly_milly

Replying to @meanerkeener

Ominous… care to share with the class?

iron man is a loser @meanerkeener

Replying to @hillbilly_milly

no

\------------------------

Private chat -> mr tony “dad” stark

potatokid: hey,,, 

potatokid: when were you going to tell me about your new family???

potatokid: before i stayed over summer or after???

\------------------------

iron man is a loser @meanerkeener

Is this,,,, jealousy??? No. cant be, i dont have feelings.

Milly @hillbilly_milly

Replying to @meanerkeener

Lmao whatd you be jealous over? Someone else getting better tools and parts than you???

iron man is a loser @meanerkeener

Replying to @hillbilly_milly

Something like that ig…

\-------------------------

Private chat -> mr tony “dad” stark

mancan: harley!!!!

mancan: its not like that!!!

mancan: youre apart of my family too

mancan: harley??? 

mancan: pls respond

Read by potatokid 4:27PM

mancan: harley,,, pls

mancan: i showed you my dick pls respond

potatokid: excuse me???

mancan: OMG!!!!! IM SO SORRY

mancan: PETER STOLE MY PHONE WHILE I WASNT LOOKING

mancan: HE SAW ME CHECKING MY PHONE AND TOOK MATTERS INTO HIS OWN HANDS

potatokid: and you didnt have a password on your phone to stop him???

mancan: no its not like that,,,, 

mancan: i have a password,,,

mancan: but the kid was able to hack a multi million dollar superhero suit

mancan: really a phone wasnt that hard,,,

potatokid: you sound like youre bragging but k…

mancan: did you really just ‘k’ Mr Stark??? how could youiopl;r3r87efum

potatokid: ????

mancan: sorry,,, 

mancan: he hooked his phone into Karen and FRIDAY and was able to go through my messages that way…

potatokid: k

mancan: look harley,,, i dont want you to feel left out or anything… sure,,, you arent the only kid in my life anymore,,, but peter is a good kid… im sure you and him would get right along

potatokid: sure

potatokid: but i think youre forgetting someone else,,,,

mancan: ??? 

mancan: who????

potatokid: your other kid…

potatokid: spider-man...

mancan: oh…

mancan: yeah,,,

mancan: spider-man…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, the twt handles are:  
peter - Yeeter @parkour  
sm - Spidey-man @web_head02  
tony (priv) - The one & only @tobystank  
tony/im - I am @IronMan  
harley - iron man is a loser @meanerkeener  
sm updates/erin - spider-man updates @webbedup  
im updates - Ironman updates @tincanman  
mj - MJ @fightme  
ned - Ned Flanders @leedmeon  
shuri (priv) - xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit  
shuri - Princess @shuriii  
Pepper - Pepper Potts @PottsCEO  
si - STARK Industries @starkindustries  
nat - Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow  
steve - Cap’n Crunch @America  
bucky - Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes  
sam - Sam Wilson @falcon  
bruce - Dr Bruce Banner @banner  
clint - deaf and stupid @hawkeye  
lila - The better Barton @hawkeye2.0  
flash - Spidey fan #1 @flash_n_dash  
milly (harleys friend) - Milly @hillbilly_milly
> 
> thanks so much guys, and remember to stay sexy and dont get murdered ^_^


	5. bullies suck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spidey-man @web_head02  
Not to be that person but like,,,, bullies suck
> 
> Cap’n Crunch @America  
Replying to @web_head02  
No no. be that person. Call them out sis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg,,, so like,,, theres nearly 140 kudos??? imma cry
> 
> btw im so sorry that this chapter is kinda short but i felt like where i ended it was a good spot so yeah...
> 
> as always the twt handles will be at the end of the chapter

Spidey-man @web_head02

thanks to the person who sent Spectrum by TRCNG in as a music rec (sorry i forgot your @) totally under appreciated song. And bc i needed to burn some energy (mr stark isnt letting me out on patrol yet) heres me covering the dance.

[insert video of spiderman - in full spider suit - on top of stark tower, dancing]

SPIDEY LISTENED TO MY MUSIC REC!!!!! @kyra8765

Replying to @web_head02

sgdaitgdui omg thank youuuu

xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit

Replying to @web_head02

Lmao next time you dance on the roof do it a little closer to the edge

Maisey saw monsta x live @kihyunnnn

Replying to @web_head02

Oof a king

MJ @fightme

Replying to @web_head02

Not bad moves

Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow

Replying to @web_head02

nice. Wanna dance together sometime?

Lorrie @loonaverse

Replying to @web_head02

Its cool that youd dance to a lesser known song (and group) than one of the ‘kpop heavyweights’

Spidey fan #1 @flash_n_dash

Replying to @web_head02

Omg i love you spidey <3<3<3

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

FYI, he learnt this in half an hour while in my lab (not his own!) and knocked over a whole tool drawer,,,, 

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to@IronMan

Sorry????

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

Theres still spanners everywhere,,,,

spider-man updates @webbedup

Replying to @web_head02

Lmao i showed this to my sis (whos a massive kpop stan and doesnt keep up with spidey much) and she just nods and says “oh thats cool. But itd be cooler if he didnt play to the tune of toxic masculinity and did a girl group dance seriously.” oof

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @webbedup 

Challenge accepted.

Ned Flanders @leedmeon

Replying to @web_head02

Dude!!!! This is so cool!!!!!

\------------------------------

Private chat -> flash (ugh)

gottagofast: hey,

gottagofast: so…

peteypete: so let me guess…

peteypete: youve finally realised that not only have i been telling the 100% truth about my internship

peteypete: but i also know Spider-Man (whom you have a massive crush on) 

peteypete: and youre coming to apologise to me for years of bullying because you dont want me to say shit about you in front of spidey…

gottagofast: uhhh no???

gottagofast: i was gonna ask for help with aca dec practice???

peteypete: no you werent. 

gottagofast: okay

gottagofast: no i wasnt

gottagofast: but

gottagofast: like

gottagofast: im still sorry?

peteypete: are you questioning your own apology??? Wow

\-------------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

Not to be that person but like,,,, bullies suck

Cap’n Crunch @America

Replying to @web_head02

No no. be that person. Call them out sis.

Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow

Replying to @web_head02

Say it louder for the people in the back

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @blxxkwidow

BULLIES SUCK

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @web_head02

Say it louder for this deaf bastard

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @hawkeye

** _BULLIES SUCK_ **

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @web_head02

thank you uwu

\------------------------

_ Incoming new message from unknown _

Private chat -> ???

???: hey…

peteypete: hey…

???: is this the peter that works with tony? Like as an intern?

peteypete: this is he

peteypete: whos asking?

???: oh, 

???: well my names harley

???: and i too work with tony 

???: (kinda)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof so harley and peter met (sorta?)
> 
> also,,, i have ideas for like 12 different fics in my head at the moment but i think i could be able to turn like,,, most of them into a series but like also??? big commitment. honestly, i normally cant write anything other than oneshots bc otherwise i lose motivation...
> 
> i also went to post this on fanfiction.net the other day but like,,, its so f****** difficult to navigate??? and i legitimately have no clue how to use fanfiction.net's hell-site
> 
> anyways...
> 
> peter - Yeeter @parkour  
sm - Spidey-man @web_head02  
tony (priv) - The one & only @tobystank  
tony/im - I am @IronMan  
harley - iron man is a loser @meanerkeener  
sm updates/erin - spider-man updates @webbedup  
im updates - Ironman updates @tincanman  
mj - MJ @fightme  
ned - Ned Flanders @leedmeon  
shuri (priv) - xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit  
shuri - Princess @shuriii  
Pepper - Pepper Potts @PottsCEO  
si - STARK Industries @starkindustries  
nat - Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow  
steve - Cap’n Crunch @America  
bucky - Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes  
sam - Sam Wilson @falcon  
bruce - Dr Bruce Banner @banner  
clint - deaf and stupid @hawkeye  
lila - The better Barton @hawkeye2.0  
flash - Spidey fan #1 @flash_n_dash  
milly (harleys friend) - Milly @hillbilly_milly


	6. Bailey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spidey-man @web_head02  
Hey, so i found this stray dog while on patrol and hes got no microchip or collar… and Mr Stark said no dogs but he also said no kids and here i am so…
> 
> I am @IronMan  
Replying to @web_head02  
Ive never said no to kids???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof here we go again
> 
> also,,, i wrote this entire chapter during my free period this morning... bc its not like i have stuff due in like,,, 4 days for studio art and ill fail if i dont hand it in on time or anything...

Spidey-man @web_head02

@webbedup ‘s sibling asked for me to dance to a girl group seriously, so i got some friends and here we are…

[insert video of Spidey, Clint, Bucky and Loki dancing to BESTie’s Excuse Me. The latter 3 are all wearing black short-shorts and crop tops, Spidey is wearing a modified suit that looks more like some kind of body suit. All are wearing thigh-high stockings with 3-inch heels]

hiss hiss motherf***** @snake_biotch

Replying to @web_head02

Yeah we did that

caighleigh @memeologist

Replying to @web_head02

Spider-Man said F*** gender roles

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @memeologist

He really did. But so did the others.

The better Barton @hawkeye2.0

Replying to @web_head02

Thanks for cursing me with this!

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @hawkeye2.0

Cursing? This is a masterpiece!

The better Barton @hawkeye2.0

Replying to @parkour

Yeah,,, for 3 of you it is. But i really didnt need to witness my dad doing this….

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @hawkeye2.0

wow! My childs an asshole??? 

The better Barton @hawkeye2.0

Replying to @hawkeye

Thanks! I get it from my dad!

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @hawkeye2.0

HEY!!!!!

Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow

Replying to @hawkeye2.0

oof go off lila

spider-man updates @webbedup

Replying to @web_head02

lmao she couldnt believe it

Spidey fan #1 @flash_n_dash

Replying to @web_head02

OMG!!! A KING!!! And 3 randos…

!!!ADAM!!! @powerofgodandanime

Replying to @flash_n_dash

Did you really just call a LITERAL God, a super-soldier and a master assassin randos

MJ @fightme

Replying to @powerofgodandanime

Yeah he did. I think he has a death wish…

Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow

Replying to @web_head02

well i was upset that you didnt ask me to dance with you but now i see why…

You really said no to gender stereotypes. Thats my boy

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @blxxkwidow

!!!! thanks spider-mom!!!!

\---------------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

Hey, so i found this stray dog while on patrol and hes got no microchip or collar… and Mr Stark said no dogs but he also said no kids and here i am so…

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

Ive never said no to kids???

F.R.I.D.A.Y. @its_friday

Replying to @IronMan

Sir i regret to inform you but Thursday, March 17, 2016 at 2:47AM you were recorded by J.A.R.V.I.S. saying “no kids in my lab”

I am @IronMan

Replying to @its_friday

1) when did you get twitter and who allowed it?

2) why is something like that saved in the archives yet when i asked what i ate for breakfast last week you had problems recalling it?

3) that wasnt the whole conversation

4) this is slander

Karen @best_ai

Replying to @IronMan

The entire recorded conversation includes Mr Stark stating that the child was not allowed into the lab as the child had previously been in the lab and caused a small explosion.

I am @IronMan

Replying to @best_ai

@its_friday this is why Karen is the best AI

iron man is a loser @meanerkeener

Replying to @best_ai

Its true… but it wasnt small… it was rather large… 

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @IronMan

so... dog???

\---------------------------

I am @IronMan

I guess i have a dog now???

[insert picture of spider-man hold a fluffy light brown dog with a white patch on its chest]

\---------------------------

spider-man updates @webbedup

is spider-man cute and wholesome and amazing? Yes. yes he is.

Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow

Replying to @webbedup

rt

The one & only @tobystank

Replying to @webbedup

Rt

hiss hiss motherf***** @snake_biotch

Replying to @webbedup

rt

Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes

Replying to @webbedup

rt

xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit

Replying to @webbedup

rt

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @webbedup

rt

Dr Bruce Banner @banner 

Replying to @webbedup

rt

Ned Flanders @leedmeon

Replying to @webbedup

rt

Karen @best_ai 

Replying to @webbedup

rt

Cap’n Crunch @America

Replying to @webbedup

rt

MJ @fightme

Replying to @webbedup

rt

Princess @shuriii

Replying to @webbedup

rt

F.R.I.D.A.Y. @its_friday

Replying to @webbedup

rt

Pepper Potts @PottsCEO

Replying to @webbedup

rt

STARK Industries @starkindustries 

Replying to @webbedup

rt

\---------------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

Update! The dog i found has been to the vet (and is now up-to-date with all vaccinations and microchipped) and hes had a bath. The vet said hes a Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever (but because thats a mouthful, Toller for short) and ive named him Bailey! 

[insert photo of Bailey in the bath]

\------------------------

Private chat -> mr tony “dad” stark

potatokid: so Bailey’s cute

potatokid: maybe i can bring Tikka to meet him…

mancan: yes. Because i need even more puppy eyes in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof
> 
> so Bailey is named Bailey bc i love A Dog's Purpose and Peter Parker is a soft king who would have probably cried like 12 times watching it...
> 
> also,,, harleys dog is based off of my dog,,, (and well be seeing harleys dog in the future ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> alright, so my computer is about to die so adios...
> 
> as always,
> 
> peter - Yeeter @parkour  
sm - Spidey-man @web_head02  
tony (priv) - The one & only @tobystank  
tony/im - I am @IronMan  
harley - iron man is a loser @meanerkeener  
sm updates/erin - spider-man updates @webbedup  
im updates - Ironman updates @tincanman  
mj - MJ @fightme  
ned - Ned Flanders @leedmeon  
shuri (priv) - xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit  
shuri - Princess @shuriii  
Pepper - Pepper Potts @PottsCEO  
si - STARK Industries @starkindustries  
nat - Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow  
steve - Cap’n Crunch @America  
bucky - Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes  
sam - Sam Wilson @falcon  
bruce - Dr Bruce Banner @banner  
clint - deaf and stupid @hawkeye  
loki - hiss hiss motherf***** @snake_biotch  
lila - The better Barton @hawkeye2.0  
friday - F.R.I.D.A.Y. @its_friday  
karen - Karen @best_ai  
flash - Spidey fan #1 @flash_n_dash  
milly (harleys friend) - Milly @hillbilly_milly


	7. extra tiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harley: oh so youre tiny
> 
> peteypete: im not tiny
> 
> harley: correct  
harley: youre extra tiny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh so i got my studio art thing done like,,, 2 minutes before the deadline so i havent failed yet (i still have exams so thats fun)
> 
> also,,,, theres so many people reading this??? thank you all????

Private chat -> country boy (i love you) 

harley: so howd you meet tony?

peteypete: um

peteypete: well i like applied for some scholarship thing

peteypete: and as a part of the application we had to give them some examples of our previous work

peteypete: and mr stark was on the board of people 

peteypete: and he liked my stuff

harley: oh cool

harley: so did you get the scholarship?

peteypete: nah no one else on the board liked my stuff.

peteypete: i got turned down for some rich kid instead

harley: ah yes of course

harley: the kid that doesnt need the scholarship gets it

harley: makes sense

harley: i love this country

peteypete: yeah thats pretty much what mr stark said to the board

peteypete: he pulled out from the board, pulled all funding, approached me with his own scholarship program

peteypete: and apparently i was the second one to receive funding

peteypete: i dont know who the first was though

harley: lmao

harley: i do

\-----------------------

spider-man updates @webbedup

Spidey was just spotted in queens, sharing a donut with a lady whos cat he just rescued from a burning building. We love an angel.

\----------------------

Private chat -> country boy (i love you) 

peteypete: howd you meet mr stark?

harley: he broke into my garage

harley: tried to hide a dead ironman suit 

harley: then when i found him he tried to get my help (i was like,,, 11 at the time) to fix a multi-million dollar piece of tech...

harley: all while trying to keep up the persona of being some rando because he was meant to be dead...

peteypete: i wanna laugh and ask how you actually met him but like,,, 

peteypete: ive know him long enough to know that hes that kinda messy….

harley: yeah

harley: it was alright though

harley: i finally got the dad i always wanted

harley: and he even left me a suit to play around with

peteypete: lmao mood 

peteypete: with the dad thing

peteypete: and he has been know for giving random kids multi-million dollar tech 

peteypete: (spidey)

peteypete: honestly, how is the guy not broke???

harley: our lord and saviour, Virgina “Pepper” Potts.

peteypete: a queen

\----------------------

Yeeter @parkour

My existence is temporary but my pain is eternal

I am @IronMan

Replying to @parkour

You good kid

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @IronMan

Not at all thanks!

Cap’n Crunch @America

Replying to @parkour

This is a, as the kids call it, mood

I am @IronMan

Replying to @America

Youre not allowed to hand out with peter and shuri again

\---------------------

Yeeter @parkour

I have a practice exams today??? No one told me???? I didnt study?????

\---------------------

Yeeter @parkour

Aight. Guess imma dropout

MJ @fightme

Replying to @parkour

You got a B+,,,, get over it

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @fightme

But now im not an A student??? Im failing MJ. failing.

\---------------------

Private chat -> country boy (i love you) 

harley: hey

harley: so what year are you in?

peteypete: oh i'm a junior

peteypete: but i skipped a year

harley: oh so youre tiny

peteypete: im not tiny

harley: correct

harley: youre extra tiny

\------------------------

Private chat -> superNerds

sBIdey: and oooh no

sBIdey: i think im catching feelings

MJ: can you like, refrain from talking in meme for .02 seconds?

sBIdey: absolutely not

shuriii: oof whom is it

shuriii: tea sis???

Ned, Nedd & Neddy: i bet its harley

shuriii: the other kid stark talks to??? 

shuriii: really????

MJ: more to the point,,,

MJ: peter you like a guy youve never met???

sBIdey: i said think

Ned, Nedd & Neddy: feeling? in peter’s heart? its more likely than you think

\-------------------------

Private chat -> country boy (i love you)

peteypete: so mr stark said you were coming to visit

harley: yeah as soon as i finish my final exams

peteypete: final exams???

harley: yeah

harley: im a senior….

peteypete: oh…

peteypete: what are you planning to do after you finish?

harley: okay

harley: well,,,

harley: dont tell tony

harley: but i was gonna try and see if i could get into school somewhere up your way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,,, couple of things,,,
> 
> 1) i think im gonna make a playlist for this fic (bc i listen to music when i write, and i find it 10x better when the music suits the mood) but itll mostly be country bc harley is a goddamn country boy and you can pry this believe from my cold dead hands
> 
> 2) i finally have (some) kind of direction/plot - basically i think thisll become a series, this will be the first in the series, the second will be really short of harley and peter meeting irl and being cute together, and then a school trip fic bc i love cliches and i wanna write one where harley keeps subtly roasting flash instead of full-on king hitting him right up because if you dont believe that a kid that has known tony stark since like,,, 11-12 years old isnt a king of sass and satire and dark humor then youre wrong
> 
> 3) yeah i got nothing else... except to say that (bc there wasnt many twt handles in this) i wont post them (and also bc all the chat names in this are kinda easy to understand...
> 
> as always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and i love yall for reading this ^_^


	8. strawberry (G)um

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sBIdey: oh no  
sBIdey: I done fucked up  
sBIdey: kill me now
> 
> Ned, Nedd & Neddy: come on dude,  
Ned, Nedd & Neddy: it cant be that bad
> 
> sBIdey: [insert screenshots from the private messages between Harley and Peter]
> 
> Ned, Nedd & Neddy: oh yeah no. it is that bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof so this is a little longer than normal
> 
> its to make up for the terribly long amount of time that it took me to write & upload this
> 
> enjoy this mess
> 
> also!!!! nearly 3000 views!!!! what!!!!

I am @IronMan

i am going to have a breakdown

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @IronMan

mood. whats up?

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

I just stepped in dog vomit kid. Your dog vomit.

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @IronMan

dont be ridiculous. I do not have dog vomit

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

No idiot. Your dog’s vomit. Its in my socks. Its squelchy.

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @IronMan

Oh no is my poor baby sick??? What did you feed him???

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

I HAVE VOMIT IN MY SOCKS, I HAVE VOMIT IN MY KITCHEN AND VOMIT PAW & FOOT PRINTS EVERY WHERE IN MY APARTMENT INCLUDING ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER,,, I DIDNT FEED HIM ANYTHING OTHER THAN HIS USUAL FOOD! THE IDIOT JUST ATE IT TOO QUICKLY!

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @IronMan

Okay… ill be there as quick as i can…

\----------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

wow never knew parenthood included cleaning vomit from between their toes…

xoxo gossip girl @wakandabullshit

Replying to @web_head02

Please tell me this is Bailey’s toes and not starks

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @wakandabullshit

Ew as if id go near his toes gross

I am @IronMan

Replying to @web_head02

My toes are royalty thank you

hiss hiss motherf***** @snake_biotch

Replying to @IronMan

Think again bitch

\-------------------

Private chat -> mr tony “dad” stark

potatokid: hey

potatokid: if you want to get rid of the scent of dog vomit

potatokid: peppermint oil

potatokid: works wonders

mancan: yeah ill try that

\--------------------

I am @IronMan

So turns out spider-kid is allergic to peppermint?

I am @IronMan

Replying to @IronMan

But i didnt find out until after i doused like,,, half of the tower in it???

I am @IronMan

Replying to @IronMan

Am i a bad father???

spider-man updates @webbedup

Replying to @IronMan

Oh no! Is he okay???

\-----------------------

Spidey-man @web_head02

I lived bitch

STARK Industries @starkindustries

Replying to @web_head02

Spider-Man, it'd be wonderful if you could please refrain from cursing. It is causing a lot of chaos in our PR department. 

I am @IronMan

Replying to @starkindustries

Yeah kid. Hear that? Thats the sound of you getting in trouble

Spidey-man @web_head02

Replying to @IronMan

But Mr Stark, i gotta do it for the Meme ™

\----------------------

Private chat -> mr tony “dad” stark

potatokid: omg

potatokid: did i nearly kill spiderman???

potatokid: im so sorry!!!!!!!

mancan: haha dont worry

mancan: it wouldnt have happened if id done more research

mancan: and if he had have told me…

potatokid: ???

mancan: spiders dont like peppermint.

mancan: and apparently neither do children…

potatokid: oh???

\----------------------

Private chat -> country boy (i love you) 

harley: hey,,, 

harley: so what's your favourite type of gum?

peteypete: random question

harley: well i figured we need to get to know each other

harley: the small stuff

harley: and the big stuff…

peteypete: yeah thats fair

peteypete: but like,,, why gum?

peteypete: and why so randomly?

harley: i am chewing gum at the moment

harley: and i was just thinking

harley: like,,, “i wonder what peters doing”

harley: and then one thought led to another

harley: and here i am

harley: asking for your favourite type of gum

harley: so that when i come to new york

harley: i know what to offer you

\------------------------

Private chat -> superNerds

sBIdey: whats the word for like,,, 8 times,,,

sBIdey: like,,, double or triple

sBIdey: but like for 8,,,

MJ: do you mean octuple?

sBIdey: yes

sBIdey: so folks

sBIdey: He just like,,, double messaged (then i responded) then He triple messaged (and then i responded) and then He fucken,,,, octuple messaged me???

shuriii: oh so Hes eager eager

Ned, Nedd & Neddy: theres a difference?

MJ: yes

shuriii: you wouldnt understand bc no horny boys have ever messaged you

Ned, Nedd & Neddy: incorrect

Ned, Nedd & Neddy: peter messages me all the time

Ned, Nedd & Neddy: hes just not horny for me

shuriii: thats kinda fair i guess

sBIdey: GUYS

sBIdey: back to me here

sBIdey: and ned, i am not horny

Ned, Nedd & Neddy: you say that now yet youll be singing a different tune at 2:30 tomorrow morning when youre messaging me about Him

sBIdey: i hate you

sBIdey: but back to my issue here

sBIdey: he sent me a heap of messages 

sBIdey: asking about cum???

MJ: im sorry, what?

sBIdey: yeah i know!

sBIdey: it was so out of the blue and random

sBIdey: weve never talked about it before

sBIdey: and he asked what my favourite flavour was

shuriii: guys get flavoured cum???

shuriii: gross

shuriii: this is why im lesbian

sBIdey: i thought you were american

sBIdey: wait wHAT???

sBIdey: NO NO NO NO NO 

sBIdey: MY PHONE HATES ME

sBIdey: I MEANT GUM

sBIdey: WITH A G

sBIdey: AS IN CHEWING GUM

Ned, Nedd & Neddy: amazing

MJ: oh then I don’t understand why you’re in such a panic

shuriii: yeah

sBIdey: you dont understand

sBIdey: the guy i like is randomly asking me random things???

MJ: you’re too gay for your own good.

shuriii: yeah

shuriii: just tell him your favourite flavour and move one

sBIdey: okay i guess…

\----------------------

Private chat -> country boy (i love you) 

peteypete: well i dont really have it much,

peteypete: but when i do id have to say that i like strawberry cum

\----------------------

iron man is a loser @meanerkeener

i see opportunities and i take them

I am @IronMan

Replying to @meanerkeener

ominous

\----------------------

Private chat -> country boy (i love you) 

harley: and would you prefer to swallow it, or spit it out?

\-----------------------

Private chat -> superNerds

sBIdey: oh no

sBIdey: I done fucked up

sBIdey: kill me now

Ned, Nedd & Neddy: come on dude,

Ned, Nedd & Neddy: it cant be that bad

sBIdey: [insert screenshots from the private messages between Harley and Peter]

Ned, Nedd & Neddy: oh yeah no. it is that bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah
> 
> harley has suspicions
> 
> it honestly wasnt gonna to happen like this but i made a typo and i was like "ya know what? this is peak comedy"
> 
> its really not
> 
> also, i wrote a majority of this while in a free period with my music down really low bc theres these girls in the room and lately theyve been bitching about my friends and i (weve honestly done nothing to them they just dont like us, oh well their problem) and ive been trying to eavesdrop bc yeah...
> 
> but turns out one of the other ones (whos in another class with my friend rn) is the one that is talking about us... so thats fun...
> 
> p.s. if ya gonna bitch about someone dont do it in front of their friend whos gonna tell them,,, thats a dumbass move... 
> 
> anyways, hope you enjoyed this.
> 
> please feel free to leave comments and kudos xxx


	9. stale chips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> deaf and stupid @hawkeye  
Replying to @buckybarnes  
If there are stale chips in my house, i will eat them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayoooo over 420 kudos??? nice
> 
> sorry for taking forever btw

I am @IronMan

I just found my old instagram account and realised how cringey it was so i reported it. I’m doing god’s work. 

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @IronMan

An absolute mood.

\----------------------

iron man is a loser @meanerkeener

lets be honest here, if i kill myself, technically, the problem would be gone

I am @IronMan

Replying to @meanerkeener

kid, no

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @meanerkeener

absolute mood

\----------------------

Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes

Someone please explain to me as to why I walked into the kitchen to find clint sitting on the fridge eating from the packet of stale chips i put in the bin yesterday???

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @buckybarnes

If there are stale chips in my house, i will eat them

Barnes and Noble @buckybarnes

Replying to @hawkeye

THERE WAS OFF YOGHURT ON THEM

I am @IronMan

Replying to @hawkeye

*tonys **tower

Yeeter @parkour

Replying to @hawkeye

Absolute mood

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @buckybarnes

adds flavour

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @IronMan

***Tony’s 

deaf and stupid @hawkeye

Replying to @hawkeye

If youre gonna mock me, do it correctly

Spidey-mom @blxxkwidow

Replying to @hawkeye

*you’re **going to

\---------------------

Private chat -> country boy (i love you)

peteypete: ugh

peteypete: i hate exams

harley: like you can talk

harley: youre doing easy stuff

peteypete: i go to a stem school,,,

peteypete: if anything mine is harder than yours

harley: true

harley: damn i cant wait to be outta here

peteypete: yeah

peteypete: where do you wanna go after you finish?

harley: anywhere thats not here

\--------------------

Private chat -> mr tony “dad” stark

potatokid: hey

potatokid: so i just found out that when i finish all my exams im a free man

potatokid: like, i dont have to wait around for the rest of the year to end

potatokid: so would it be cool if i came up two weeks earlier than planned?

mancan: yes!

mancan: of course you can!

potatokid: !!!

mancan: it means that peter will still be in school those two weeks

mancan: but yeah!

\--------------------

Private chat -> country boy (i love you)

peteypete: mr stark just told me that you're coming down early!

harley: yeah

harley: i only have three exams left and then i can hit the road

peteypete: oh

peteypete: are you driving?

harley: no

harley: pete, its a metaphor

peteypete: okay Augustus Waters

harley: ???

harley: and besides, the closest airport is a 2 hour drive away

peteypete: oh okay

harley: although it would be good to have my car and everything with me

harley: oh well

harley: depending on what i do i might have to make a road trip

peteypete: what does that mean

harley: dunno

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and yeah, i know this is short, but ive been going through a miraculous ladybug binge again so all fanfics from other fandoms haqve been set to the back burner... sorry not sorry...


End file.
